D-rail's Blog

Better to fail with honor than to succeed without it

2011-03-29T19:51:00.003-06:00

Just a thought I had earlier, but surprisingly profound. We focus a great deal these days on success, be it in a career, academics, or even romance. How well do we remember honor? The size of communities might be a factor. People are less likely these days to know about your character or integrity so it's easier to throw out a job title or specific qualification when making introductions. Even when true, declaring oneself honest, diligent, or kind rings hollow without the actions to back it up.

The internet is no help either, with the famed (or infamous) "anonymity" allowing people to act reprehensibly with little to no repercussions. Maybe though, the internet can one day save honor in some small way. Consider if everyone had a sort of 'master online account' (similar to google or facebook accounts). If these had a 'integrity' score on them, which was easily viewable by anyone like an ebay or amazon seller scores. After interacting with many people integrity could be averaged and scored like so many other things are these days.

The possibilities (both good and bad) of a system like this are just barely blossoming in my mind, so maybe I'll let this simmer for a while and take the idea up again. To anyone reading, what do you think about being successful vs. being honorable, or having an integrity score indelibly linked to your name through the power of the internet?

The family and the schools

2010-10-04T18:12:00.006-06:00

I was thinking about prayer in schools lately. For the record I'm not for it, though being a spiritual individual I wondered why. I am at the conclusion that what I'm for is prayer in the family and that's many times more important and beneficial than prayer in school.

One reason for this is that it means I'm afforded greater control over my child's development and involvement in his or her life. I want to be part of my kid's spirituality, rather than have it dictated by whatever principle, teacher, or school board member would do such things. When the schools teach my kids to pray, or any number of other things for that matter, my kids are taught what the school wants them to learn, rather than what I want them to learn.

Exposure to other ideas is important, but it's not unreasonable for a parent to wish to raise a child with certain values. It's imperative, actually, to raising a child with any moral compass who grows up to be anything other than, well actually just a child who grows up. Without learning to follow a set of principles rather than be tossed to and fro by every whim and impulse a child never grows up, but I digress. I want to teach my child values, and don't confide in the schools to teach my child the right values or even to do it well if they did.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, and so the issue extends to who do I want as my ruler. As a strong willed individual I only want myself, with my family in positions of power. Leaving the individual to be free means that families raise the children. A friend of mine teaches at the local high school, which isn't a great school. He was once asked, "How can you trust the school to teach your kids," and his answer was a simple "It's not the school that's going to teach my kids." He then mentioned that he and his wife has already taught their children some basic reading and writing skills, and he never plans to surrender all the responsibility of teaching to the school system.

I've always agreed with that sentiment, and as such only expect the schools to provide a good supplement for the teaching I and my wife will provide for our children. On my part, I know that some grammer, history, and literature will be something I want my kids to hear from someone more expert than myself. Still, though, I hope to be a part of my kids learning all of this, sharing and discussing the ideas. I might learn something myself, I might provide an new perspective for my kid to think about, or I might just help my son or daughter to better understand something new to him or her but well known to me. One way or the other, my child will learn something and I will be a part of it. That's the kind of parent I want to be.

Ramadan: Day 10 (written on 21st of August)

2010-08-21T06:44:00.006-06:00

As a sort of spiritual experiment I've been keeping Ramadan this year. Today was day ten, and I thought I should record some of the thoughts and experiences I've had so far. What truly inspired me was my morning prayer today. Mornings in general have been an interesting part of Ramadan since I usually sleep in well past sunrise. I still have, often enough, but to eat before the daily fast begins I've woken up early once or twice. Once before today was a very nice experience, but more frequently I've woken up, eaten a breakfast, and then gone back to sleep. Today a woman I've been getting to know also wanted to begin waking up early in the day, so we made plans to call each other in the morning. I talked to this fine woman while eating a modest breakfast yogurt and oats (and some leftover brownie too) and watching the sunrise. One of the topics of discussion was the morning. The morning is different. Evenings and nights are still very active for modern Americans. Mornings, especially as early as before sunrise, are very quiet and still. This made it a nice time to speak with a new friend, and it has also been an ideal hour for my introspection. Watching the sunrise has been very nice. First just because it's so novel to me, seeing as I usually loath being up before the sun is, but more importantly just to appreciate nature's beauty.

This is the second time I've prayed during sunrise over Ramadan and it's been spectacular both times so I should really work to do so more often. Today was particularly powerful. These prayers are great because after waking up and eating breakfast and then watching the sunrise I've shaken off the tiredness and am alert enough to feel the Spirit of God and speak meaningfully with Him. I did so today near the end of the sunrise, I knelt down for prayer and when I rose up the sun had unhidden itself from behind the horizon and sunlight spilled over me as I lifted myself up from prayer. I thought this a exquisite symbol for the Holy Ghost's presence that I also experienced.

One of the things about prayer, faith, and ritual is that mundane things in life become holy. The sunrise, while always lovely, today was a testimony of God's greatness, power, mercy, care, and love. My fast has been food only, rather than a full on traditional food and water fast, making the water I drink a sacred reminder of the Living Water which slakes my thirst for meaning, justice and righteousness in life. I hope to continue and improve upon these experiences as I continue Ramadan.

Blog is still an ugly word

2010-08-06T16:11:00.006-06:00

I've been reading over my old posts lately and was particularly struck by my first post where I explain my thoughts on blogging and what I was writing. I guess as I've been blogging (on and off) for over two years now it's probably appropriate that I update my statements on the matter. There's one key thing I've learned which has changed by entire outlook on blogging: the idea that blogs aren't necessarily for others to read.

When I started I frankly didn't know why I was writing a blog. It was just that I had created an account on google's blogger sevice and I decided I might as well try out the whole blogging thing. Over time I've had to figure out why I'm doing this and the best answer doesn't involve anyone else at all. I keep my blog to keep my writing sharp. While reading through these old posts I'm sadly not entirely convinced it's worked. Well, actually I think the writing is quite acceptable, but riddled with typos. On the other hand I may have just learned, from blogging, that proofreading and editing are integral parts of any writing you wish to be presentable.

Blogs are also a great way to organize information, thoughts, and feelings. I keep a separate blog where I record spiritual thoughts and promptings. I don't work with it as much as I might like to, but I've found the tags for a post are ideal for when you want to jot down an idea without a clear picture of how it is to be used. If I want to give a talk, write a paper, or just ponder on a particular subject I can look up and review my previous thoughts on it.

Blogs can work as a personal scratchpad or journal, but they also provide an nice way to share ideas with friends. My original thoughts were that publishing to the internet meant publishing for the world. While a blog is available to the world, it may be meant to be read by only a few friends or family members. That's the direction this blog has taken, and I like that. It's a way to share thoughts with friends, and maybe get their thoughts on some of the same things I've been thinking about. What do you think?

Thoughts from the Airport

2010-06-26T16:09:00.002-06:00

I love airports. An airport is an exciting nexus of modern human existence. A coming together of people, people on journeys. Some leaving to see others for a joyful celebration, some doing the same but for a somber purpose. Still more arriving, perhaps wearied from their voyage and excited to meet friends and settle in at their destination. Or excited to finally be in the place to where they anticipated coming.

They're grand testimonies to modern technology, and while some worry and fret over technologies march forward I marvel and embrace what it's brought us. It was 107 years ago that man first lifted himself from the ground with nothing more than ingenuity, effort, and luck. And now we've mastered the craft so well that anyone can do so for the same price as an expensive piece of clothing. We build what are cities unto themselves to support people taking to the skies day by day. That is what an airport is.

The airport I'm at now is perhaps not one of these, being smaller than where I arrive, the Denver International Airport, but it still excites me. Today I played a game with myself. I tried to move slowly, sauntering through this buzzing hive of humanity. Airports usually excite me and I energetically pull keys and shoes off at security checkpoints, forcefully drive forward toward the gate from which a few tons of steel, silicon, and modern aeronautics will carry me to wherever I wish to go in the world, and then arrive somewhat disappointed that I've been so efficient only to arrive early enough to wait. I still arrived early enough that I've spent about an hour and a half waiting, but it's certainly been enjoyable. The air conditioning has deceptively made the sound of a waterfall in the section of seats next to mine. It's rained and a few brilliant blasts of lightning and deep peels of thunder have been mine to enjoy. Most of this time though I've used to read and, now, to write.

The Journey of a Thousand Miles...

2010-01-14T17:08:00.003-07:00

...begins with a single step, as the proverb goes. This is true, but it's the time of year where you may be noticing something else. Two weeks ago you may have resolved to do something important over the course of this year. It may have been something big, a journey of a thousand miles per se. Hopefully you took the first step toward that around the same time, but now is the time when something starts to break your stride. That step taken oh so enthusiastically two weeks is taken less frequently. Maybe it's been replaced with something else. Maybe you just don't feel like you have the energy to keep taking it over and over anymore, but that's my point here. OK, metaphor aside I'll state my point clearly. Great things come from small and simple ones, but it's by a continual repetition of them.

Taking the perennial example of New Years resolutions, losing weight, we'll clearly get the picture. My mom talks about the "fake exercisers" at the beginning of each year. Those people who invade her Gym every January. She has nothing against people exercising, rather she's annoyed knowing her spot in the kickboxing class she loyally attends will be taken by someone who'll disappear after six weeks (to be generous). Their thousand mile journey is certainly a worth taking, but they don't actually take it. They take the first step, sure, but quit after a few hundred.

Since I am a mathematician, let's look at how many steps are in a thousand miles. 1,000 miles is 1,609 km. I am a tall guy with long legs and feel OK saying my stride is probably around one meter. Thus I would have to take one million six hundred and nine thousand steps. Realizing this it seems staggering, impossible. That first step is essentially meaningless. However, if I am diligent in taking steps, if I take one step every five seconds, let's say. I can walk almost four journeys of thousand miles over one year. Taking one step every fifteen seconds I can still walk a thousand miles over the course of a year and have a little bit of time left over to, I don't know, eat and sleep.

In summary, to reach a goal-to journey a thousand miles-one must be persistent. Consistency is far more important than enthusiasm. While the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, it's only finished by the willingness and discipline to keep taking steps.

Can't Complain

2009-04-26T15:43:00.002-06:00

The title of this post is a common response to simple introductions like, "How's it going?" I often give it. When I do, I think of what I'm saying as very meaningful and important. Most people don't share this opinion. Most people don't go beyond, "Well I could, but what's the point?" My feelings are otherwise.

I see these two words in the same vein as "I cannot tell a lie," or "I can't kill another human being." Of course one can do these things (in the first case one is often presented with opportunities to do so, in the second it's sort of assumed that if you're saying this you're in a situation where someone gave you a gun, possibly in an abandoned warehouse with a guy tied to a chair), the capability to do so is there, perhaps even just cause to do so, but doing so would be a terrible violation of one's personal principles. I feel the same way when I say, "I can't complain."

I live in arguable the most prosperous country on earth, and certainly enjoy a number of amenities on a daily basis. I own my own computer, have running water, and live better most kings in history-probably better than anyone alive more than 300 years ago. I find spiritual fulfillment in my faith, have a family that loves me, and am unburdened by sickness or even mild infirmities such as headaches or sore muscles. I'm grateful for these many blessings in my life. That gratitude is important. Gratitude is a key to happiness. If were to complain over trifles such as one isolated incident of a headache I had the other night or a problem on my CS homework that I thought was poorly worded I would be denying the many good things I have and failing in my gratitude. When I say I can't complain I'm saying I will continue to live a life of gratitude for the many good things I enjoy, that I refuse to focus on whatever unfortunate circumstances may befall me and instead will focus on the happy happenstances of my existence. As a grateful person, I can't complain.

"Why is there always money for war, but not education?"

2009-03-26T14:47:00.004-06:00

I see a bumper sticker with the above almost everyday on my walk to school. I can feel myself sympathetic with the sentiment sometimes. I often feel that the sentiment is naive, that of a simpleton, and masquerading as something with important meaning while truly hollow, on the other hand. Thinking about it I've (obviously) decided to write a post on the subject, and actually I came up with an answer:
Because war is expensive, education isn't. Even as a college student who is continually hit with the cost of education-a physics major who often thinks, "Man, I wish the phys. dept. could just replace all this lab equipment with newer, nicer stuff," a student who knows how expensive books are, a student who works extensively with computers and wonders if he'd do well at all without his personal computer-I think the need for money in education is overrated. Good education requires more personal involvement on the part of the teacher and the student. That's the most important factor. Everything else is gravy. Shouldn't we have a financial investment and incentive for teachers do be involved then? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I'd love it if teachers got paid more, because apart from parents they may have the most important job for society.
Then again, soldiers may have the most important job for society. Soldiers bought us freedom from England with blood, nuclear warheads scared us, but may have also saved us from communists during the cold war, and soldiers, TSA, CIA, NSA, and others from the American war machine that seems to have too much money keep those who would kill us all simply because we don't bow to their beliefs. Moreover, soldiers liberates Auschwitz, and have stopped evil time and time again throughout history.
Guns, planes, bombs, and armour cost money though. Keeping these relevant costs more. Finding a good teacher takes, well frankly luck. Actually, it costs character. If our society doesn't cultivate character, no one is going to take a job trying to impart knowledge to others. This number will fall even farther if the students of our society don't have enough humility (which people of good character should have) to learn, instead persecuting those that would dare try to tell them they need to work harder to understand an unknown piece of the world. No one can do more to bring the character to the students of our society than parents. But most parents worry more about their children being smart, successful, or simply docile than they do about having character.
In a perfect world, we would pay teachers would be millionaires, and armies wouldn't exist because there'd be no need. Aside from religious beliefs, we'll never live in that perfect world and we have to live intelligently, according to what really exists and addressing those needs, in the real world. The real world has evil, danger, and societal problems that make education hard, so sometimes it's easier to pretend we live in a perfect world.

What I learned from MMORPGs

2009-02-10T19:25:00.004-07:00

Not much, since I don' actually play them. I do play video games when I find one I like enough to pull the time and money away from me. I had a thought recently about video game mentalities and paradigms and a major difference between the MMORPG and the kind I've played. The games I've played, mostly shooters and real time strategy, are level by level, outcome oriented games. You start a mission, play through it, and then start another one until you're done with the game. MMORPGs on the other hand only loosely follow this paradigm. Much more important, as I understand, is the in game character you make. You play the game not so much to finish a level and beat the game but to "level up" your character. Curiously, I think this is a great analogy for life and a good paradigm to live by, even if it's not the type of game I've been playing.

My types of games our outwardly oriented. Your focus is on manipulating the world around you: shooting the bad guys, destroying the enemy nuclear facility, stopping the end of the world. While these make for stories and situations I enjoy, it's not a good way to live your life. A wise word of advice is that you should not set goals for yourself based on other's agency (free will). We should be more concerned with carrying out good actions rather than the outcome of our actions. In an MMORPG is a quest is too hard and you can't get it to work out, you can abondanon it and look for other ways to gain experience. So in life we need to understand that if something isn't working out the way we want it to we can look to other things for fulfillment and joy. It is O.K. when things don't work out the way we'd hope.

"Leveling up" is something we could all stand to take a lesson from, too. Returning again to the concept of a PGF and it's derivative we should all be striving for the next level in our own personal growth. Realizing that there's always a higher level that comes with it's own rewards, or developing skills, abilities, and powers are what keep the MMORPG player playing. Likewise, developing our skills, abilities, and knowledge should keep all of us living.

Not excusable, but understandable

2009-01-27T12:35:00.003-07:00

I have been thinking since for a little bit now on the title of this post. I suppose I should say that my thoughts about it might just barely crystallize here as I write them, or maybe not. It's an interesting thing to think about, and has meaning and importance, and it's about time for the monthly post here on my blog so here goes.

I think my idea here is what drives reformation. What drives one to become better? To leave bad habits and grow to be better. This is similar to my previous post on the idea of a PGF. My question here though focuses more on bad habits, or vices. I've been struggling with some of my own lately. Perhaps it may be better to say that a particular struggle has been highlighted recently, as I hope to be continually struggling with my vices and weakness always. Getting to the point, I see the poor decisions I make and I decide that they're not excusable, but sometimes understandable.

This means I seek to understand what drives me to do what my better judgment tells me not to. I look for the conditions and the reasons behind bad decisions, internal and external. I usually find them. I usually find a good explanation for why I don't do what I think I should. Knowing this empowers me to be better, to avoid those pitfalls in the future, and to build situations around and within me that will propel me to good rather than away from it.

Knowing what caused my iniquities, though, doesn't mean that they don't exist. It doesn't mean, to use my hated phrase, "I'm a good person." On the other hand, weeping and feeling sorrow for what I've done wrong won't help either. I can't live in the past, wishing I hadn't done what I've done. I can only accept my previous faults, and strive to make sure they do not become present faults.

Do you really want justice?

2008-12-17T11:13:00.004-07:00

I've been thinking recently about a comic book that I'd like to write or something. I'm not a comic book writer and don't really have any connections so I probably won't, but that's not the point. The point is that I've got a cool concept, which I hereby submit to you for comment!
The idea is that a man after learning of horrible evils perpetrated be someone (I've been thinking date rape by some frat boy) wishes to set it straight but can't. He prays for the power to fulfill justice. An angel (though physically and visually just a guy), truth, appears and tells him that there's a slot open for angel of justice and that because of his prayer he'll get to take the position. The really interesting part then starts.
Truth tells this guy that he doesn't want to be justice. I've decided he'd say something along these lines, "To be a force so indiscriminate and powerful, a force so immovable and implacable that God sent His beloved son to suffer and die on earth in order to save the rest of His children from it, do you really think you can want to deal with such an overwhelming strength?"
Well, because it's a comic book he'd say yes, and then be turned into a an fiery, angelic, and vicious engine of punishment. I envision this angel inflicting horrible torture and suffering on those who've done wrong. The man when he comes to (that is to say when the spirit of justice withdraws from him) is horrified by what he's done, what he's become. Throughout the comic he tries to stop it, hold the spirit back, but never can because the burning wrath of justice will always fall upon the wicked!
Anyway, I write this not to say, "hey, wouldn't I make a good comic writer? Isn't this a cool idea?" (though your thoughts as per that subject are welcome) but rather to ask, "What is justice?" My idea for this comic isn't just a cool idea for a cool story, I see justice as an overpowering and indiscriminate force. I think if justice were to have an earthly incarnation it would go around dispensing horrific punishment to those who commit horrific crimes. In the end, her scales when weighted to one side with abominations and evils will demand of Lady Justice to bring down her sword on the other with the same force, won't they?
I see mercy, personally through Christ's atonement, as the only force to offset justice. Do people force mercy into their conceptions of justice? I wonder if this is tied to the decline of religious belief, as Deity can dispense perfect justice but man can't. Perhaps man, without deity's guidance redefines justice for himself so as to seek it in a humane way?
I certainly believe that justice and mercy must work together. A human justice system must allow for mercy to a much greater degree than what one's conception of pure justice may be. Perhaps, though, this is the core of super-heroes. We want to believe in justice, we want to believe that those who do wrong will be punished by a force beyond our mortal abilities (as individuals and a society). The religious have a real belief in such a power in their God, if they envision Him as just. What about the secular? I really don't know, if you read this and do, please leave a comment.

What's the derivative of your PGF?

2008-11-07T22:28:00.004-07:00

"They're a good person." This phrase drives me insane. Have you ever heard it used to actually describe someone that does good? Maybe, but much more often it's used to justify a lack of good, to overlook someone's vices. How often do you hear something like, "He may cheat on his girlfriends once in a while, but he's a good person." or "She may stew in envy and bitterness toward her sister, but she's a good person." I propose that this phrase is a deeply flawed and destructive one.
I think the inherent drawback of this phrase is that it is binary. What one is really trying to say, generally, is that so-and-so is not a bad person. The underlying assumption is that people are either good or bad. It's the reinforcement of this idea that may be the most destructive part of this phrase. Good and bad are like and hot and cold. Water may be cold, but not cold enough to drink. Water may be hot, but not hot enough to shower in. We need to stop thinking of this, and many things, as having a dividing line, but rather as a spectrum. Goodness is closeness to perfection, while badness is farther away, or closer to pure wickedness and evil.
All that said, let's cast this in some of the precise terms that I really understand. Let's say that good and evil are like a number line, there's infinity on one side (infinite goodness) and infinity on the other (infinite evil). The number picked on this line defines how good a person you are. Don't take this opportunity to say that anyone with a goodness value below x (typically zero-using negative values to denote evil and positive values to denote goodness), because this is arbitrary. More importantly, let's say that someone's goodness value is defined at any point in time by some function, which I'd like to call one's personal goodness function-or PGF. I think that likely the most important aspect of a person is not the instantaneous value of the PGF, but rather the derivative (or rate of change for you non-mathematicians out there). One who is improving by leaps and bounds, growing, learning to do good and ceasing to do evil I declare is much more worthy of praise than one who may do a great deal of good but is slowly letting wickedness, darkness, hatred, and whatever else you wish to use to describe evil fester in his/her heart and turn him/her into a force for darkness.
The derivative of the PGF also tells us with what zeal one is improving oneself. If someone is slowly growing and becoming better, good for them. If one has such a commitment to overcoming vices and developing virtues that every second seems to teach them how better to perfect themselves, so much the better.
It is by being content with ourselves that we fall into bad habits. It is by letting little flaws live peacefully within us that we learn to ignore the good things we could be doing. Only be commitment to improving, perfecting ourselves can we learn to do all that we need to for the world's problems of greed, hatred, lust, and pride to be overcome. One way we can do this is to constantly ask yourself, "What's the derivative of your PGF?"

War is Hell which brings Heaven

2008-09-30T08:41:00.000-06:00

Wow, just the title and I already know I'm stepping on some serious toes. Please, just bear with me a little, take in my ideas, and hopefully you'll see that I'm not quite the warmonger I'm sure you've assumed I am.
Obviously the question I'm trying to tackle here is: Under what circumstances is war justified? Simplified thusly, the answer is easy. I take it from the Book of Mormon: "Inasmuch as ye are not guilty of the first offense, neither the second, ye shall not suffer yourselves to be slain by the hands of your enemies."[Alma 43:46] The principle is clearly taught and widely recognized by most, violence is justified when necessary for self defence. This goes for large states, governments, and organizations. One must be attacked before having legitimate reason for striking back. Thusly, addressing the current war in which the United States is involved, the "Preemptive Strike" is not justifiable. That's right, I want to go on record that I don't believe that a preemptive strike, an attack for the purpose of preventing one, is a valid reason for going to war. Moreover, therefore, that the Iraq war's declaration is justifiable.
Unfortunately, though, there is a however. However, I believe at least some deal of good has come, or at the very least could have had the political and sociological ends been pursued like they should have. A brutal dictator was overthrown and a peolple freed from his tyranny and torture. Remember those first days of whatever the P.R. label for this war is now? Iraqis celbrating in the street, hitting posters of Hussain with their shoes, which gesture as a military interrogation specialist our family knows says is one of such disdain, hatred, and malice that it's akin to saying, "if you ever are able to obtain the resources and opportunity, please hunt down and kill me and my family." That same specialist said that when some Iraqis were questioned upon being released to go back home they broke into tears and were overjoyed, because they were used to the fact being that if you were taken for questioning, you would never be seen again. Did this atmosphere last? Sadly, it seems not to. Perhaps it's just hopeful on my part, but I think that if the Iraqi democracy agenda had been pursued as hard as either candidate's campaign it might have.
The point I've wanted to make here is thus: Was the war justified? No. Was the war evil? No. Or, at the very least it's certainly on a level higher than the parade of sorrows and atrocities that folk like Micheal Moore would have you believe it is. And I think war in general must be recognized for the good that it brings. Of course the suffering brought on by the flood of violence which sweeps a land called, "combat zone" during a war is terrible. But the destruction of Nazis, unjust monarchs, or terrorists (I want to make sure it's pointed out I mean those who'll kill anyone regardless of...well anything but most importantly the worth of human life) brought forth through that sadness is important.
So, I supppose maybe I should sum up my opinion on the Iraq war, as that's where all the ire tends to lie. I think we should never have gone there. I think the reason for the war was not justifiable-though I believe Saddam's threat of W.M.D.'s was real, if only like someone brandishing a gun in your face is real even if it turns out the weapon wasn't loaded. I think the efforts going on now, though, are at least understandable and maybe honorable. And perhaps what I really want to say is just that the best way to honor those soldiers who fight on our country's behalf isn't to show disdain for the venture they're currently engaged in and wish it over, but to hope that the great deal of good which is possible does come from it, and a people learn to live for themselves instead of in fear of a soul crushing government.
War is hell, but as Dante had to pass through hell on his way to heaven, so must some communities pass through times of war to become places where goodness and happiness can abound.

Grow up

2008-08-06T08:56:00.000-06:00

After working with kids at a summer camp for a little while I began to think about what maturity is. What is it that these kiddos lack that makes them kids. The answer I came up with was impulse control. The kiddos just weren't skilled enough in calming those emotional flare ups or dropping a silly argument. Hence, "Why'd you hit him?" "He said I didn't like marshmallows" or "Why're you so stupid, stars don't have rings. It's physically impossible" "Well, I dunno I'm gonna look anyway." "No, you're wrong, that'd dumb..." "Guys, quit fighting!" Of course in the discussion comes the inevitable acknowledgement: some adults don't have very good impulse control. I think we usually call these people jerks, annoying, downers, or some other of the vast collection of disparaging nomenclature. Controling your emotions is necessary for getting along well with others.
There is more rewards to emotional control than a good social life, though. It's a good life, and moreover, power to act for ourselves (free will, if you go for that term). Hear me out, Emotions are brought on by outside forces. A big scary bear makes us afraid. A bouquet of flowers makes us delighted. A new computer game makes us excited.
After those examples you might say, "but Devon, I like being delighted and excited. Me too, but it might not always be the best thing. If I buy portal (which I just did, finally, by the way) and I'm so excited I start playing and don't stop until the first week of school is over, effectively destroying any opportunity for academic achievement I have for the semester, that's obviously not good. I also loose the opportunity for other exciting experiences, such as learning and in the future obtaining a good job. If my shallow ex-girlfriend who cheated on me twice and continually criticized and spoke hurtfully towards me sent me flowers and I decide, "Oh she sent me flowers that's so nice I'm going to get back with her!" my net delight will be negative (I can feel myself getting back into physics student mode!). What if the flowers are indicative of a change of heart for this wanton woman, and renewal of relationship would do good for the both of us? Well, it still isn't smart for me to just run back. I might be happy and thinking the best of her, but wisdom dictates that I take care when reviving the connection we had. First, I don't know this is the case, and past experience indicates that it won't be good for me. Secondly, she may need me to be on guard. In reviving a relationship it would be sagely of me to go in stronger than before, ready for the maladies before heaped upon me, and setting boundaries and rules of conduct between us so that she knows how to improver herself around me and I am clear about what I want in our relationship. If learn to overcome these initial reactions and rule our feelings with our mind we can increase the happiness, peace, and whatever other good thing you want to put there (I was going to put joy, but it sounded too cute and trite "happiness peace and joy!").
So, let's be clear, emotions are good. Just like water is good. I see our emotional systems to be like indoor plumbing. There's a system of valves that we need to control, letting reason dictate the flow of each pipe. If we simply let each bubble over we'll quickly drown in our passing sentiments.

Bring Me to [Spiritual] Life

2008-07-05T11:11:00.000-06:00

I just read the account of Lazarus in the New Testament today. On this reading I made an important spiritual application. We all know that Christ is our savior, that he saves us from sin, but how often to we feel crushed by our sins? Overcome by the difficulties of life? Killed, spiritually, because of the wrongs we've done? That is when we need the Messiah the most, yet perhaps ironically it's when we give up the easiest. We tend to be very good at convincing ourselves that we're to far gone, that our ship has sailed, that we're already spiritually dead.
Martha and Mary both said to Jesus, "If You had been here, my brother would not have died." Today, I realized this is a backward looking attitude which plagues many of us. After the fact we lament our wrong actions (which we should to some degree, after all we're not repentant if we're thinking "Man, I'm so glad I shot that hooker"-that's right I'm talking to you GTA fans) and we think, "If only I had kept the Spirit with me, if only I had been Christlike then, I would not have sinned." While we need to take every effort to avoid sin, when we fall we need to remember that Christ can bring us out of our spiritual death, just as He brought Lazarus out of physical death.

The Truth Hurts, Bring on the Pain!

2008-05-26T21:23:00.000-06:00

Thinking a little just now I had the thought, the truth really does hurt. Why? There's more than one reason, I'm sure, but probably more than anything because it forces us to see our preconceptions, our beliefs, our actions in a different light. Sometimes it's with generalizations, a researcher who studies mercury and really thinks of it as his (or her since I live in the blasted p.c. society that won't allow the continuation of linguistic conventions such as using male pronouns as representing a generic male/female person) life's work may be frustrated by people saying most metals are solid at room temperature. He may react thusly, "But what about mercury? Possibly the most useful and important metal because of <> is a liquid, so how can you say that." It might just be denial too. Someone who has strong opinions about or an emotional investment in something requires a good deal of humility, courage, and honesty to admit that something is true when it doesn't match what their ideals or preconceptions are. It could be simple linguistic totalitarianism. Someone who loves jazz may take offense to the comment, "They just played twelve different songs at the same time," though really this comment may have some accuracy if all the players were improvising together. The same thing could be said in a slightly different way that would be fine, "That was amazing, it was like they all played a different song at the same time." This probably comes up a lot in the current political correctness atmosphere.
What I really want to say is that the sting of the truth can be good. We generally mentally flee from ideas that are difficult to sync with our current ones, but we should accept new ideas and consistently revise our current ones. Hearing things which cut us to the quick tempts us to marginalize the speaker, idea, or background from which it comes. The human species must fight this temptation and learn flexibility in our mentalities, conceptions, beliefs, and attitudes. Unlike on our human bodies which is scarred from a cut, a piercing comment to our souls can cause us to improve ourselves. One who is promiscuous will naturally react with offense when he/she is said to be sexually indiscriminate. The best reaction for them is unnatural, to take the comment as a possible truth, analyze their actions and outlooks, and amend them according to how they wish to live their lives in light of this new insight.
"He who takes offense when no offense was intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense was intended is usually a fool." -Brigham Young. The offense reaction is an unfortunate one in human nature. It is generally the opposite of constructive and at best leads to festering anger, a grudge against some group or person. Perhaps we as human beings should learn to take the comment, "That offends me," as a comment more about the speaker than the subject. Let he who says it be commenting on his own lack of self-control and hot-headed reaction rather on the heinous nature of whatever the that referred to is. People are wrong sometimes, even then we should seek to understand their thinking, and perhaps change their mind through reason and debate. What we must realize, however, is that change is always hard, especially when dealing with personalities, mentalities, ideas, etcetera. If we are to expect others to do this difficult task with theirs we must be willing to do the same with ours.

Physical Attraction-not the kind between an electron and a proton if ya know what I mean

2008-05-05T22:43:00.000-06:00

When I was younger, probably entering puberty, I came to believe that physical beauty, by which I suppose I mean sexual attraction-just to be perfectly clear, was largely a societal construct. Think about it, the Venus de Milo would be "plus size" and even Marilyn Monroe would be a size 12-16, a far cry from today's "supermodels" whose dress size approaches or is the additive and multiplicative identities of the integers/real numbers. I think it's probable that today's nice skinny figures would be considered emaciated skeletons by earlier standards, especially in those societies that valued the ability to reproduce, looking for "hearty women with child bearing hips."
My point here is to ask how much physical attraction is societal, though. Obviously sexual attraction to women, in male's case and vice-a-versa, is natural inborn desire used to perpetuate the race, but I wonder if the specifics are essentially manufactured. If you like women with big breasts, is there anything to that other than a sort of societal brainwashing? To be truly free of being a mindless follower of the crowd, must we throw off the chains of what physical characteristics are sexually attractive and look deeper into people's souls to find our attraction?
People often speak against this idea when I present it, usually with the line, "There has to be some physical attraction in a romantic relationship." Well, I agree (duh) if you find your partner a repulsive specimen of the human form that things are gonna be rough. However, physical attraction is mental, and often changes according to our opinion of someone. One may have heard that confidence is important to looking good, and it's true. Many people have probably experienced a growing attraction to someone as they got to know them better. One slowly overlooks flaws and focuses more on attractive aspects, or vice-a-versa according to one's opinion of another.
I'm sure folk have opinions on this, and I'll be interested to see the discussion that ensues.

I think blog is a very ugly word

2008-04-27T01:33:00.000-06:00

Well, I guess I have a blog now. Just fooling around helping some people I know create one I kinda fell into the whole blog thing, which is weird cause I used to hate blogs. Mostly because of the name. I mean, isn't the word blog just like...well it's like the sound you make when you're puking. "oh I shouldn't of had all that teriyaki chicken....ugh blog!"
A little more seriously though, I wonder about why all these blogs exist. The professional ones make sense, but the personal ones are somewhat curious. I wonder if I'm really so taken with myself that I feel the need to make sure that everyone knows about insignificant minutia of my life. Hmm, now I'm going to feel uncomfortable about the rest of this post, like every word is telling me, "what's the matter with you, you self-absorbed narcissist?" But I've got the account so I might as well use it is the thing, and maybe my thoughts are interesting enough that they're worth throwing out on the world wide web. I do think I have some interesting ideas, in a very humble way though, cause I'm not a self-absorbed narcissist.